i’ve been… but…
Posted by: sugarnova on: June 2, 2009
cos this blog is out in the open again, i don’t wish to leak out too much about myself. so there are occasions yang i’ll blog about simple plots or ideas that might be useful for compositions. mixture of my own personal experience, the current situation and observations.
the following is very much inspired by the certificate course that i’m currently taking. something about learning disability, emotional behavior disorder, adhd, autism, low self esteem etc.
———–
i’ve been busy with work. i’ve been up and coming with work. but my family has no idea what i’ve been up to at work. cos i dont tell them. cos sometimes i’d rather not share. cos most times i feel that earning that first class honours degree is just so useless. cos most times telling them that i’m in the running to head the subject is just a useless piece of info that is worth ziltch to anyone at all. cos most times, the second sis is always seen as the better one.
and i will go “yeah. she’s the prettier one, the smarter one, the one with the better job, the one who gets married first, the one whom everyone loves more, the more sociable one, the this the that.”
and i’m the ugly one, the short one, the dark one, the one who is not highly educated, the one with a dead end job which doesnt pay much, the fat one, the immature one, the one who is always wrong, the one who always gets into trouble, the one whose opinion doesnt matter at all, the this the that.”
most times, i do believe that somehow.
no matter how far i run or how much i work out, i am still fat when i look at the mirror. everything about me is fat fat fat fat ass.
no matter how many important decisions i make at work day in day out, i’m still the immature one who cant think for herself and whose opinion doesnt matter at all. and all that i say is wrong.
no matter how much i care for my skin, i’m still the butt ugly one, the dark one.
no matter how many times i look at the picture of myself in the graduation robe, i’m still the lowly educated one who is stuck in a lowly paid job.
no matter how late i try to stay away from home and minimise talks, i’m still the one who is rude and always in the wrong.
and the only real thing i can hold on to is my job. sad existence, dont you think?
no, you dont understand.
——————–
let me remind you again. this entry might just be fiction. cos i talk nonsense and am putting myself in another’s shoes. it is an idea for compositions after all….
a few more days to go…
Posted by: sugarnova on: May 26, 2009
Hi Mr/Ms ______
i have never sent work related emails back and forth this much ever. i think kalau add all up, almost 2 hours was spent doing that today.
hence, this explains the format for today’s blog entry.
the Os a-coming. till now and the 1st… we’ll be having intensive revision every morning for almost 3 hours, and another 3 hours in the late afternoons. and the mtp this friday. and the carnival this saturday. and the admin matters in between. being busy is fun (i am being sincere here), to a certain extent. but that also means i need a memory like an elephant cos i have to remember so many details all at once.
ah well, at least being kept on my toes helps me feel alive 
which also remind me that i’ve been on my feet all day. thank goodness i invested in a good pair of heels. long live, clarks!
tho i have to admit, i wish i have the time like pau. boleh bake nice cakes and desserts.
next month perhaps. june hols
am looking forward to the KL trip in three weeks. cos i really tengah miss the sweetheart.
regards,
sugarnova
stop being
Posted by: sugarnova on: May 25, 2009
- In: no fun| rant
- 2 Comments
a pain in the neck.
literally.
tengah pelan-pelan urut leher.
i want fruits.
on a whim
Posted by: sugarnova on: May 23, 2009
- In: fun| life| life's lessons| musings
- 2 Comments
i signed up for a personal one-to-one make up course on a whim
one-to-one
and at a time slot that is determined by me
one that wont clash with my schedule
cant get any better
me is a happy girl
perfect timing cos at least i can learn to put on decent make up myself for my friends’ weddings. saves money instead of paying someone to doll me up each time ada function.
so anyway…. friday saw me belajar dining etiquette and free lunch as well *giggles*
but trust you me. at this point of time, you’d be glad you are not me. cos i’m super busy busy busy with work.
shant complain, cos i do love my job after all…
where do i begin?
Posted by: sugarnova on: May 22, 2009
where do i begin? between now and the 6th i have my hands full with….
bear with me cos i’m trying to make a mental list of ‘things-to-do’ for these two weeks.
not in any order of importance or priority
1. meet the parents session
2. report books
3. o level intensive revision
4. o level paper
5. the smoking cessation programme
6. the netball carnival that we are hosting
7. netball day/overnight camp
8. the smoking cessation rehearsals
9. the cip/cme project
two weeks.
two weeks to keep me occupied enough.
of kindness
Posted by: sugarnova on: May 14, 2009
i confidently went to work today without an umbrella even though it was pouring. my hands were full; laptop, bag full of exams scripts, my pretty black kelly bag that matches my attire. thought that i’d take the bus to work.
alas, the bus reached late. it was already super packed by then. and i knew i wouldnt make it on time for work.
so i tried to flag a cab.
all we exchanged was a smile. a kind lady offered me her umbrella. i told her the only time i’d be wet would be when i need to get in the cab. she, however, insisted that i take her umbrella. she said that she wouldnt need it at all cos she’d be taking the mrt all the way.
i feel bad i didnt even get to ask for her name. but i shall pay it forward. the next time someone needs to use the brolly, i shall niatkan the pahala to the lady.
so now there is a pretty white brolly at my desk. and i’ve put a green ribbon on the handle *giggles*
the mister said macam payung mary poppins
the ribbon on the brolly looks like this.
and oh, when my sis moves out after her wedding, i’ll have the room to myself. the colour concept that i have in mind is exactly like the pic above – pink, white & brown.
better
Posted by: sugarnova on: May 13, 2009
- In: life| musings| no fun| rant
- 6 Comments
i’m much better now *grins* thoughts about adopting a cute baby girl went all *poof* this morning the second i saw kids these days. they are a scary scary bunch. what if my child grows up whacked out or whose existence is merely to make my life a living hell or drive me up the wall and i turn out a total wreck?
what if my son turns out like some kids i see day in-day out, has zero interest in studies, downright rude and has no respect for anything at all? i might as well spend that money on myself, my own house, gym, make up, facial, travels, help the needy, donate to the poor and the mosque etc instead of spending it on someone who doesnt know how to appreciate and be thankful for it.
why and how do sweet smelling cute babies turn ___(fill in the blank)___ 14 years down the road?
the trials of a single young lady in the city who is beginning to question perhaps there is a reason why she wont get to experience the joy of motherhood anywhere in the near future. maybe cos she’ll make a horrible mother who will end up losing herself, depressed and one who screams to her kids at the top of her lungs.
i might change my mind, yet again, tomorrow.
zoom zoom and the boom boom
Posted by: sugarnova on: May 12, 2009
shall target to leave the office at 4 today. gym in the evening. it beats the loneliness out of me, at least.
maybe thats why i see a lot of people at the gym. the same ones. we are the lonely ones.
like the time when i was still a member of the previous gym, i saw the same ones i’d always see every weekend, on valentine’s day. we had this secret gym date. that silent nods and knowing looks. that secret code. the curse. of the young, beautiful, smart, successful and lonely.
seeing a few familiar faces from the previous gym who have also jumped ship to this new one.
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